Living with Breast Cancer

Yesterday I had a Lumpectomy. To back up a bit, my name is Jean. I am 44 years old. Breast cancer does not run in my close family members but my father, sister and grandfather died of cancer. I am a little gun shy when it come to cancer to say the least.

It has been a rough time for me the last year and a half. My father died last year and my husband passed away from a hear attack nine months ago. About two months ago I was doing my self exam and discovered a lump. I made an appointment with my doc and then the mamagram and sonigram. Yes there was something there.

My husband and I talked about breast cancer and mastectomies after seeing a TV program. The woman was saying that her husband was withdrawn and she felt incomplete. My husband’s view was that a real man does not act that way. He told me that yes he would miss the “girls”, but he would miss me much, much more. I am glad that we talked about it. Even though I am only 44, I do know that if I was to ever meet another Mr. Right - having breast or not should not make a difference. If it did…he is not Mr. Right.

My self image is not my breast - it is all of the other things that make up Jean. I was a national champion in judo, I am a good artist, I work as a dog groomer and my clients love my work, and I have wonderful close friends - and most of the time I try to be the best friend that I can be - that is who Jean is. I have a lot to live for.

The pathology report is not in on the 2 cm lump that was removed. But I have already decided that chemo and radiation and saving my breast is not an option. If the margins (the tissue removed around the mass) are not cancer free, I only have one choice. I want to have a double mastectomy. I don’t want to worry about if or when the cancer might return. Life is to short to live like that. I am not going for reconstruction either. Life is more, much more than some tissue. I want to have the best possible chance to not have cancer return. I have a game plan, and I am in control.

I also have told my co-workers and some of my grooming clients why I have missed work. Breast cancer is nothing to be ashamed of. Every woman is a strong, tuff individual. Every woman has to decide what path is right for them. I should know in the next few days what the next step is. What ever happens, I am not afraid. I am in charge of my health care. I am in charge of my life. That is part of being a woman.