I have always dealt with anxiety since childhood. I had always had my ups and downs in life but never thought to share with anyone. When I was 17 my brother got really sick and my parents had to take care of him. For that year I became the invisible child. During that time I became depressed and alienated myself from most of my friends. That was the start of a long spiral downwards.

Today I am 20 years old and have been on anti-depressants for about 2 years. I have managed to pull myself out of some bad places but just this past christmas I hit my worst low. I didn’t have the energy to even eat or hold a simple conversation with anyone. I had no ideal that pain this deep could exist and all I wanted to do was die. I had never been so afraid in my entire life. After the worst of my low had passed I decided that it was a good idea to go to therapy. I realized that anti-depressants only numb the pain that I feel.

Therapy helped me to face the things in my life that are causing my depression. I am still suffering from depression that is really bad at times but I learned how to channel it into something that is creative. When I am not so bad that I can’t get up, I write and paint. Though these are my coping mechanism, my greatest fear is that I will feel as low as I was this past christmas. I don’t think that I can survive going through that again.