Living with Interstitial Cystitis

I had a severe car wreck in June of 2003 while I was oarked at Wal-mart. After visiting my son on his first day at working for them, I got back in my car, the gas pedal became stuck and it accerated to around 70 miles an hour, I was told by an onlooker that I had bent over to try and lift the pedal up but I saw I was headed towards the gas pumps in front of the store, then barely miss two vehicles,I do not know for I think God took over for I do not remember, my son told me I hit two vending machines at he station, but I that the car turned to the right, then hit the curve which made me hit the manhole cover sending the jeep high up in the air, then it came down and rolled over, it ejected me into the air, I landed face down in the muddy ground, I was uncouscious, but a paramedic got to me and put a brace around my neck, then turned me over to try and clean all the mud from my nose and throat so he could get me breathing, over 300 people witnessed this the wreck, I was took about 70 miles to Singing River Hospital to the ic unit where they worked on trying to keep me alive, I was in the ic for 29 days, died on them 3 times, was in the hospital for 41 days, I had an 8lb weight on the floor to keep me from lifting my head for I had a severe subdural henatoma on the back of my brain, 3 broke vetebrates in my neck, 6 broken ribs, both pelvic bones broken. I came home wearing a 5lb heavy halo on my head for 60 days and each week I had to go back to my neurosurgeon to have the screws on the halo retightened into my scalp but God brought me through all this, then I decided I’d go ahead and let me gynecologist remove the cancerous cells off of my cervix from tests before the wreck, I still had my halo on, but the big C word had me let her do it, needless to say, the whole procedure caused pain from the start, I tried to tell her this but she kept saying I should not be hurting so bad, when she was done, I was in such severe pain between my legs, I was screaming, my husband stood up in lobby and I collapsed into his arms and begged him to help me to the restroom so I could urinate but it did not help! We had to wait at the pharmacy to get pain medication filled and this was the start of the worse pain of my life, I had been sent a hospital bed to be on after my wreck, but I stayed on my knees most days and nights screaming with pain shooting up my back, urinated every few minutes,felt like someone was pouring salt in a fresh wound inside of me, I saw 3 urologists before I was diagnosed with IC then because my husband had not work since my wreck, it had been canceled so when I was diagnosed, the urologist did not want to treat me, instead he called in an opium drug in capsule form to insert up my anus which I did but made me so drugged up, I was like a zombie! My husband went to work with his company and the insurance was pretty good so I thought, I saw another urologist who finally did the cytoscopy and also the hydrotention in the surgical unit. He put me on silver nitrate to start out with but they did not help, so they were changed to heparin and I slowly began to feel somewhat better, then my kidneys went into failure, my regular doctor had ran tests the previous week, when I told the urologist’s main nurse, she said No! It’s your back and I kept telling her no it felt like something I had never felt before, and she sent me home, I stayed on the couch all that weekend feeling as if nothing I drinked was going through, I could not eat at all, finally that Monday I went to a kidney specialist and he wasn’t sure but suggested it could have been the treatments. It seemed like every urologist I saw after that just did not care, I had numerous nurses who hurt me trying to catherized me because they did not know what they were doing, then insurance said they would no longer pay fir the treatments, so I became desperate amd tried to pay them out of our pockets, but the young nurse hurt me every time she catherized me and I could not hold the treatments long enough, then My husband’s insurance company recommed a urologist in the coastal area to see, What A Joke, he was so very rude and rammed the catherther hard up into me, and I came off the table screaming, apparently none of his nurses knew how to do it, I tried to tell him about IC and gave him some info on it to read and he laughed, telling me ho did not need to read about it, then he said he could come to a town closer to where we lived for my treatments, but none of the nurses there had ever catherized for IC. I went three times and didn’t go back for treatments again. I am in pain all over again, I have a great husband but he is tired of me being sick, He stayed right by my side 24 hours aday after my wreck and now he’s tired and wants me well after almost 4 and a half years of pain, he called Ochner’s Clinic in New Orleans and I went for my first visit week before last, he gave me an Elmiron instillation with some pain medication, but I am still in severe pain, I keep a bottle of froze ice water between my legs every night, there has been no sex in almost 2 years, it is just to painful, I am a type 2 diabetic, cannot see good, if I go anywhere I have to pay someone to take me but most of the time I call my son to pick up things or take me somewhere if he can. I think about suicide daily! I refiled for my disability over a month ago and now they want me to go see their shrink, he was so rude to me the first time I filed after my wreck and they sent me a letter saying I was not blind so I was not disabled, I cannot not go through that again, I will go ballistic on him, I cannot filled the necessary paperwork because of my memory, and my nental status, suicide has been on my mind constantly, I feel worthless, I had no life anymore and I just want to die, I am just so tired of the pain and the fact I cannot get the help I need! I beat my fists into my head and other body parts because I feel unworthy to live and feel have nothing to live for, sex was one of the best things my husband I ever and he knows I cannot do anything about it! I prayed everyday that the Lord would just take me! I have no prupose in life and the pain is just more than I can handle! Who can I turn to and what do I do?