Living with Migraine

I am 40 years old and have suffered from these headaches since I was 3. I started with baby aspirin, Bufferin and Bayer. In high school I moved up to blood pressure medicine and Darvocet and Vicodin.

I remember early on having to sleep on the floor in grade school with a wet papertowel on my head, and in middle school always getting them on Mondays. In high school they became a regular part of my life.

I have never planned anything in my life without the thought of headaches lurking. I never leave the house without medicine. I don’t believe I have ever really lived life due to them. I am a homebody and have learned to do nothing to the point where I will pass on any invitation because all I know is staying home. I am 100% sure I am depressed because of this. I have a leftover hand tremor from taking Pamelor in my mid twenties. My ex-husband would throw pitchers of water on me if my frozen washcloth full of ice cubes happened to drip on his side of the bed. I cannot take care of myself, daughter, pets, household because of them. My daughter is now 16 and I pray she doesn’t inherit this disaster that has ruined my life.

After seeing my neurologist for 15 years as a cash patient because I trusted him, I could no longer afford to see him when the cost of the office visit rose from $55 to $120. So that meant I had to wean myself off of 5 prescriptions. Last Christmas I started taking Excedrin (up to 13 a day), Ibuprofen, sinus and decongestant pills. I estimate I have taken over 500 pills since. I am now off the Excedrin and want to kill myself. I knew it was bad to take so much but I had no choice. The pain is unbearble. I have had probably 12 headaches in the last 9 days. My normal (even before the Excedrin dilemma) was about 4 headaches a week. Yesterday after work I tried to fall asleep while driving home. Thinking of my daughter knocked some sense into me thank god.

My headahces have changed over the years, and I believe I have symptoms of at least 7 different types. I honestly cannot pinpoint what might bring them on, other than I am destined to have them until I leave this Earth. I am very superstitious about them. If a day goes by without one, I tend to feel I have been cured. I was eating oatmeal when I got rid of one and thought it was a miracle “drug”. What a fool I was. I don’t want to talk about my headaches out loud in case they hear.

I have finally gotten a new family doctor who renewed my Indocin prescription. I cannot afford the Zomig. I also take Zoloft nightly for anxiety and social awkwardness. Over the years I have tried depakote, caffergot, elavil, topomax, imitrex injection, neurontin, prometrium, midrin, fiornal, effexor, inderal, vicodin, darvcoet, nerve block injection, vitamins… So far it is the indocin and zomig that work.

I have always wondered what it is that I have done to deserve these. Then I tell myself I will try and suck it up, be adult, not miss work… but the pain is unbearable. I remember as a child wishing I could kill myself; but come back to life after the pain is gone. I constantly hit my head where it hurts, jab my fingers into my browbone, ram my knuckles into the base of my skull. My eyes are so droopy and literally sit lower on my head when I have a headache. I cannot lower my head, bend over, cough or endure any jarring movement because the pressure is unbearable. I have perfect eyesight, except that I am now 40. While having my vision tested years ago, the doctor noticed I was having trouble. He knew about my headaches, but wanted to test me some more. He dilated my eyes and miraculously, the pain disappeared. I wish I could do that on my own. It would be so much more preferable than wanting to take a screw driver and dig out everything inside my head.

I have decided to try and eat only chicken, rice, grapes, water, salad, and broccoli for a few months.

I would like a life, I think, but most of the time I feel it is already over with. I don’t even think I would know how to be happy if I ever got rid of them. I sit and do nothing on the days I am free of pain, because it is such a relief that I just want to relax before the next one.

Does anyone have any sugguestions? And to all out there going through the same thing, good luck!