Hi, I was pregnant when I was 15. I had a boyfriend who was in the same high school as me. One day I found out I was pregnant. He said his parents would kill him if they got to know about it and we have to take it away. I agreed and went home and in tears and told my mom.

She said she could take care of the baby, but I said nooo..I can’t keep it, and don’t tell dad.. I felt so embarrassed, I thought it was a shameful thing (even if I now know the opposite). She organized for me to have an abortion. The night before the abortion my boyfriend said: Remember that it was not me who said you should do this.
I thought: What?? He had been the one who said we cannot keep it and his parents should not know anything about it, but I didn’t say anything. I just thought ok, so now its my own choice… well if I back out now my mom will be mad at me for having organized everything and then I carry through with it (that’s what I thought anyway)..and the next morning I went ahead and did it.

I felt like now this problem is solved and I can continue living my life as nothing before. My boyfriend and I stayed together for another 2 years. We never talked about what had happened, except for one time when he said he had told his mom and she was very sad…

I finished highschool, took a two year break cuz I didnt know what I wanted to study and then went on to college.

Sometimes I used to watch the children playing at a kindergarten yard close to where I was living, and wonder how it wold have been if my own child would have been with me now..How would he/she have looked like..

Then I became pregnant again at age 22, this time with no boyfriend (or at least not a boyfreind I could see myself having a long term relationship with). I knew I would become a single mom. I had sworn to myself never to have an abortion again, and I also so wanted this baby.

My mom reacted differently this time, and almost talked me into having an other abortion!
This time she told ME not to tell my dad, and then went on telling him herself!

I had my beautiful babyboy between my 2nd and 3rd semester, took a year off as maternety leave. It was the best year of my life so far.

Then I took my son with me to NYC to continue my studies. I finished my first degree. Then took him with me on a year of studies abroad, then came back to NYC and did my 2 last semesters and got my BFA.

Now 12 years after the abortion I have started to think about it a lot.

I have ignored the feelings I didnt think I had for all these years and now I am suffering terribly because of what I did.

I am and have been very depressed, regretting it, thinking I should have made a better choise.
Or actually I do not think there should have been a choice at all.
The baby was already there!

I guess I was not grown up enough to be able to realize that there really was a baby inside me, a baby who both me and my family eventually wold have loved and been so very proud of if I would only have given it a chance to live..

The feelings of guilt will stay with me forever, knowing that I can never undo what I did then as a teenager.
If I would only have known then how greatly this wold affect my life I would never have done it!!!

Some tips to mothers of teenagers:

1. Prepare yourself in advance that there might come a time when she comes home and announces that she is pregnant. Think about how you will react. Remember that she is not to blame, everyone makes mistakes.

2. Call the boy’s parents! (No matter how hard she protests, this is an issue about life and death that everyone involved shold be aware of)

3. Have a family meeting and discss it together even if it might feel embarassing for the teen. Try to make her understand that this is not something you can just sweep under the carpet and then quickly return to the way it was before. There will definetly be concequences in her life later on if she chooses to abort.

4. Give her as much help as you can. This is your little grandchild that is inside her.

5. Abortion has been linked to breast cancer. What would you choose, a grandchild or a daughter with breast cancer later on in life?